I Lied To You.

My preceding post is a lie.  I am not "falling" back into blog mode.  Instead I'm falling into a catastrophic rut with regular blog posts because my professor is making me read, reread, and obsess over Moby Dick.

I used to like this book.  Now it is etched deep into the once-creative recesses of my brain and any time I even start to write something for this blog, the first sentence I automatically write is "Call me Ishmael."

FALLing Back Into Blog Mode

It would be safe to say we had a busy, if not exhausting summer.  I will post pictures, soon.  I'm getting back in the mood to write, to blog, to create.  Anything.  Fall weather itself inspires me.  I took a day off work last week just so that I could stay home and decorate the house for fall.

I find that if I stay up with reading regularly and organizing a time just for my own learning and enrichment, I'm more motivated.  I'm starting with some online lectures at NYU.  I'm sitting in on lectures about early American literature.  It's a start.

I plan on taking advantage of the fall weather as much as possible, visiting every farmers market, fall festival or historical landmark that I can, squeezed in between my son's football practices and games.  And thrift stores...  I think the fall is the best time for thrifting!

I get back into the kitchen a lot more as the weather cools, too.  I hardly bake in the summer, and dinners are pretty much whatever is thrown on the grill -or- a lot of baseball tailgate type foods.  (Hot dogs and macaroni salad, anyone?)

So yes- recipes will hopefully be making a comeback!

Happy fall...

Oh, my blog, you are not

something that I just forgot.

Summer is busy, free time so rare.

No time for updates, but I really do care!

When I have a quiet hour or two

there is much to share with you.

A trip that found us far away,

(in another country) for several days!

Baseball games, picnics, and the drive-in,

then squeezing in a relaxing swim;

Day time trips to near and far,

netted some great bargains loaded into my car.

When I can I promise that soon,

I will fill you in on our exciting June!

I see the sun setting on our July,

but I'll tell you all about this month, too- so do not cry!

August approaches and brings a smiling friend,

and then I will write about the summer's end.

Until then, enjoy the heat and warm summer nights,

and for Pete's sake get off your computer and on with your life!

I'll blog later- enjoying myself too much worry about it now!



My Most Recent Whine About Technology

I'm not very tech-savvy.  In fact, this blog is the extent of my venture into anything in the cyber-universe, except my Yahoo email that I've had since 1999.

I-Phones, Smart Phones, whatever-phones are what all the cool kids are using these days.  I had a basic phone that I could use to make calls and text from that, in comparison to all of the new gadgets around, should be displayed in a museum along with the brick phone my husband had in the early 90's,

In fact, someone actually asked my husband recently about his phone which was the exact same as mine "Is that a pager?"  So offended was he that he insisted that we look at the new phones with all the data and funky apps and all of that.  Hesitantly I agreed to look- but seriously I was okay with what I had.  I spend so little of my time online anymore (evident by my sporadic postings and unfinished blog posts in my drafts folder) that having internet access at my fingertips 24/7 seemed so unnecessary.  All I want to do is make my calls, send the occasional text, and snap some pictures if I felt so inclined. 

So, at our visit to the AT & T store, salesman Corey promised us that once we go Smart phone we'll wonder how we could have ever lived without it.  He rambled off feature after feature, suggested some must-have apps, and assured us that we will be so happy with our new phones we will recommend them to everyone we know.

Corey is full of shit.  I hate this phone.  I even have an assistant app that can speak texts so I no longer need to actually type them myself, and I made sure that I reiterated that very fact to my husband after I had figured out how to work the stupid thing.  I REALLY DO HATE THIS PHONE. 

This is the phone we were suckered into buying.  I haven't sent a regular text in days because my fat fingers mess up on the touch-screen keyboard.  I haven't even tried to get on the internet, much less figure out how to download different ring tones or try to take a picture.

I need a Smart phones For Dummies app. 

So, while my husband is all in love with his new phone, I want to smash mine against a brick wall, only I can't because I bought the $40 case that promised to make the phone virtually indestructible. I want my old phone back.  Call me old school, but I was a lot less tense and more likely to use my phone then.  Today it rang and I couldn't even figure out how to answer it.  It was stuck in some mode that had no meaning.

I'm so glad I'm paying more for a phone that I will use so much less.  Thank you Corey.  If I could figure out how to call you, I'd be chewing you out right now instead of taping out my frustrations on my blog.

Satan Uses Infomercials to Pay His Bills

I believe Americans get duped into buying hordes of crap they see on TV infomercials through Satan's own subliminal messages. The inventors/marketers of these products use their wealth to finance Hell.  I mean, the heating bill there must be outrageous. 

Well, in my own way I've invested in some Hell stock.

I, too was once duped.  I was coerced into spending $50 for a product on TV that was only supposed to be $19.95 plus shipping and handling.  It was one of those battery-operated tweezer thingies.  I mean, it works okay, but no different from the manual pair of tweezers I got at the 99 Cents store years ago.  My husband still whines about "another one of my pointless purchases" every time he sees it.

And I've been eyeing Chaz Dean's Wen shampoo for months, but my thrifty-self just can't part with the $39.95 required for one bottle of shampoo. I don't have Alyssa Milano's bank account, so I guess I'll never have her hair.  When will he realize that budget-conscious housewives and middle-class Moms would be more likely to try his shampoo if was available at the local Target for around $10?

But I gotta tell you, recently my investment in Hell stock doubled.  I bought Perfect Tortilla Bowls.  The commercial really grabbed my attention- you can make your own perfect little tortilla bowls at home for a fraction of the cost of what they are in the supermarket.  Any they are baked, not fried so there is little guilt in eating one.  I mean, I love my taco salads!

And the price- way less than the Emjoi Tweeze.  It's true what the commercial says- they double your order, you get a recipe guide, and the Cut 'n Cup gadget!  All for under $20!

I'm sure that at some point they'll be for sale at Wal-mart in the As Seen On TV  isle.  That's where I found my Swivel Store spice rack.  Which I also love, by the way.  An item well worth the $19.95 plus tax, even my grumbling husband agrees as he ever-so-easily finds his barbecue dry rub.

But the Perfect Tortilla Bowls-  I just couldn't wait.  I had my credit card in one hand and the phone in the other so fast... and within a week they were waiting by my front door!

They work fabulously.  The recipe guides have some good ideas, too.  So don't be afraid to buy them!  You get four- that's right, four!- non-stick Perfect Tortilla bowls, 2 recipe guides and the Cut 'n Cup, for $10 plus tax, shipping and handling. 

I love them so much, I'm going to share one of my favorite recipes in the next post!

But I wonder, do people in Hell have perfect Alyssa Milano-like hair?

Move Ya Jag-Off

  A true 'burgher can't stop laughing...  I just had to share this with all of my non-PA peeps.

Bored with Toile and Annoyed With Sentence Starters

You might remember a couple years ago I showed you my garage sale table that I repainted.  I covered the seat cushions with a lovely tea-stained toile. 

Well, I'm in the process of a table make-over.  I'll post pictures soon.  After a few years of wear, the toile is boring and unattractive, and the tabletop itself was a victim of a nasty Sharpie attack.

My uber-talented husband built a new table with his big, masculine hands, and I'm keeping the chairs but freshening them up with some new paint and new seat covers.  I've been browsing for fabrics, but so far nothing has caught my eye.  I'm opting for a sagey-green colored heavy upholstery fabric with some sort of pattern.  I just can't do a solid color.  Spots show too easily, and Lord knows we can be a messy family.  (Like I said, Sharpie attack....)

Well, hopefully over the long Memorial Day weekend between my son's birthday business, Pirate games and picnics 'll get my table finished.

On a totally unrelated matter, I have a tenant that has been irritating the ever-loving snot out of me with her constant repeating of "Well, the thing of it is..."   As in:  "Well, the thing of it is, I have a doctors appointment and I won't be home."  And, "Well, the thing of it is, I never really liked vegetables."  And, "Well, the thing of it is, my car is in the garage and I can't make it to your office today".

To which I must say in the total anonymity of the world wide web:  "The thing of it is, you need to stop starting every sentence this way.  The thing of it is, more often than not it makes absolutely no sense and a group of sentences that should take you 5 second to say ends up taking 15, and in all honesty talking to you for any length of time is about as fun as a pap smear, so make your point and leave me alone."

I'm not bitter or anything.

The Circle of Life

I was born in western Pennsylvania during the 70's, when disco and bell bottoms were in.  I was born the year my beloved America celebrated it's bicentennial. 

I grew up in the 80's.  In the early part of the 80's I watched my Mom jazzercize to her Thriller album and I collected Garbage Pal cards.  I broke my brothers General Lee model car and to this day he hasn't forgiven me. 

I would visit my Grandmother in West Orange, New Jersy and I was scared to death of the big city.

In the late eighties my hair stood up about 4 inches at the top and I listened to Def Leppard and Guns 'N Roses.  I rolled my jeans up at the ankles and wore brightly colored slouch socks.  I answered the phone by saying "Talk to me, Goose".

In the early 90's my hair was still pretty high.  I thought I was going to marry Kip Winger and travel with his band.  I didn't miss an episode of 90210.  I made fun of a classmate who wore a Huey Lewis and the News World Tour '86 tee shirt to school. 

During the mid-90's, I decided to move to New Mexico to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher on the Navajo reservation.  I became a vegetarian and voted for Bill Clinton's re-election.   I considered myself a serious humanitarian.  I thought I was going to marry a handsome Native American that looked like Wind In His Hair with a washboard stomach.  I wanted to move into a traditional hogan and live off the land.

Instead I met Todd.  Todd was an eccentric black cowboy from a town bordered by the Navajo reservation who spoke fluent Spanish and drove a pick-up truck.  He listened to Def Leppard and George Strait and Al Green.  He didn't have long, flowing black hair.  In fact, he hardly had any hair.  But he had somewhat of a washboard stomach.

He collected Star Wars memorabilia from the 70's and 80's.

Todd made me a steak.  After going for nearly 4 years without eating beef, I'd forgotten how good it was.  He convinced me to get cable.  I made him his first pirogi.

In the late 90's, Todd asked me to marry him.  We flew out to Pennsylvania so he could meet my family.  He met my jazzercizing mother and Bill Clinton-hating father.  I gave my brother a replica General Lee model car that I found at Toys R Us. 

We had an impromptu wedding service with no rings to exchange.  I wore blue.  Afterwards we drove to Las Vegas in his pick up truck for a quick honeymoon and listened George Strait CD's most of the way there.  I was madly in love and felt all giddy.

We moved to Phoenix, Arizona and I decided I loved living in the big city.

On September 11th, 2001 Todd and I held hands and cried together because we thought our beloved America was going to be destroyed by evil terrorists.

In 2004, we decided to have a child.  We named him Todd Jr.  Again I fell madly in love. 

Around 2007, I began missing Pennsylvania and my family and we decided that our son should be around his grandparents and family here.  We packed up the Uhaul and headed east.  We listened to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 on the satellite radio most of the way.  We heard several HLATN songs, and sang along with every one of them. 

Fast forward a few years.  Our son is approaching 8.  He listens to Thriller at least once a week.  He collects Star Wars memorabilia from any  decade.  He tries to speak Spanish, and he thinks his Dad's steaks are the best in the world, as long as they are served right along with a pirogi.  Last year we took him to see HLATN in concert after a baseball game.  He thinks Huey Lewis is the epitome of coolness.

My Dad has eased up on Bill Clinton.  My Mom prefers Zumba these days.  My brother still has that General Lee model car.  I eat meat almost daily.  I live in a suburban townhouse and I couldn't live off the land if I tried.

Just the other day Todd and I held hands and cried together because we think our beloved America is going to be destroyed by evil Americans.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is simply this.  For me my entire life has been one continuing circle, with several repeating factors applicable in different ways.  It doesn't matter how much society and culture changes, it's all one redundant cycle of the same stuff at different times in our lives. 

And just be careful who you make fun of in high school.  That former classmate is a now mega-millionaire software designer.  The last time I saw him be made fun of me because I still haven't fully let go of my high hair.