I'll Stop- I SWEAR!

Lately I've been swearing a lot. I can't determine what's caused this sudden rash of cursing, but it seems non-ladylike words have been rolling off my tongue with more ease than I care to admit.

I've always thought that people who swore in their daily conversations were either uneducated, undisciplined as a child, or just completely disrespectful of themselves and others around them. I wince any time someone drops the F bomb, as if they do not have an advanced enough vocabulary to be a little more descriptive. Like the 20-something long haired hipster at the gas pump beside me the other day. "Dude- it's F-n cold out today, man".

"Sure is" said I, concerned my son in the back seat may have heard him. Furthermore I was irritated that he referred to me as "dude" and "man".

I cannot stand when I hear teenagers and 20-somethings cuss like a backwoods hillbilly, especially the girls. I get particularly offended when I'm in public with my son and people talk with no regard to what they are saying and he's within earshot. I've even gone as far as addressing it with them, as was the case this past October when we were having dinner out.

This two-tone haired, excessively pierced couple was sitting behind us, and they got into a very loud argument that included words that might make a Marine Drill Sergeant blush. Todd and I looked at each other, with fervent hope that our son's innocent little ears did not hear and that his little brain didn't comprehend. (How do you explain to a six-year-old what "asshat" means, when you yourself are not too sure?)

Needless to say, after their last conversation which included no less that 128 words that I consider vulgar and inappropriate, I jumped up. I walked to their table and as calmly and politely as I could, asked them to tone it down, for the sake of the children in the room. Looking directly at his girlfriend, the boyfriend fired at her- "I told you that you were talking to F-n loud!". Um, yeah. That really worked. Then they saw my husband's face and it was shortly thereafter they left. Being black and looking angry works well for him.

So why, after chastising others and dreading the day I have to explain to my son that we do not use the F word, is it so easy for me to just let certain words leave my mouth without any hesitation? Now I will say I do NOT use the F word at all. I find it highly offensive and a prime example of one's ignorance. And kids who swear is bad, but adults who laugh at kids who swear need a swift kick in the ass. (Oops- there I go.)

Sometimes swearing, within the right company, can be funny. Like at a comedy club. Let's face it, Denis Leary just wouldn't be funny if he didn't swear all the time. Or when it's on a movie. Remember Back to the Future? "Hey you- keep your damn hands off her. Do I really have to swear?" "Yes, dammit George, swear". Now that was some funny stuff. And my husband often says things that just wouldn't be as amusing it it didn't contain a cuss word.

All this aside, I've caught myself asking "What the hell?" a lot lately. And when some jerk cut me off on Route 30 the other day, without any hesitation I yelled "You jackass!" Because I'm sure he heard me, right? (No, my son was not in the car this time.)

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions, but this coming year I do resolve to be a little more conscientious of my language. Not that anyone can hear me when I'm alone in my office calling people names, but I need to do it so I can feel better about myself. I know I can find other words to use that are a little more original and a lot less obnoxious. I'm going on a profanity diet. Dammit, it's time.